Beginning Again, Again

I yearn for a normal week. I five school day, boring, oh-my-goodness-I-am-so-tired-of-this-routine week. 

We have been flying from moment to moment, inscrutably driven. I feel like a bug must feel when it wanders into a car then is driven to another zip code and wanders out, shaken and remote. A strange bug in a strange land. 

All of this motion has forced my gaze inward. What do I do because it is part of my story, and what do I do because it is there to do? Sometimes homeschooling feels iffy for me. I am a second generation homeschooler. I never attended traditional school, and homeschooling is my comfort zone. But I am also quiet, introverted, and deliberate. These things make living in a state of constant exuberance...exhausting.

Tearfully exhausting.

So, is this for me, or am I simply doing what is there to do? 

The answer to that question is: I don't know. I don't know because who can really know. But I want to try. So, as the sunrise and the morning glory do, I will begin again. And today I will find grace. If tomorrow, I go another way, that is tomorrow. Today, I will be here. Today I will be now. Sometimes there are moments when I get out of my own way and realize, whether or not I am doing it perfectly or I am perfectly suited to do it, it is a gentle and good life. Full of just what I need.

Even if they bicker.

Even if I yell. 

Because that was yesterday, and I will begin again today. Again.